Monday, February 25, 2008

I believe pt 2 or Happy Plastic People

If you haven't read the last post, please do it now. I'm not sure it will do any good, but I want you to understand how I got here.

That was fun wasn't it. So, I was thinking about what it would look like if everyone at church actually believed in everyone else and it occurred to me that it might not look any different. It would be different, but it may not look it. We all do a pretty good job of acting like we don't hurt or screw up and everyone else acts like they buy the charade. It makes me think of the Casting Crowns song. We're so weird, so hypocritical. We assume that everyone else sucks as bad as we do, but if they ever let their guard down - ever show weakness or pain - ever confess their struggles and reveal their sin we act shocked. Like we can't believe they would screw up like that. We act like they're not just like us.

I often wish I never went to Sunday School. That I never learned church answers or religious rhetoric. I wish I didn't know what you want to hear. I wish I couldn't hide - make you believe I'm like you or like you make me believe you are. I wish I couldn't play the game. That I never learned to deceive. I wish you could see me. I wish I could show you. I can't. I know what I'm supposed to look like. I know what you want to see. It's easier if we maintain the status quo.

Except, its not. We're so good at it that it seems easy - natural, but then we go our own way into our private places and fall apart. The mask is suffocating. The performance exhausting. We put so much into the act that we barely have anything left for ourselves. We make believe in hopes we'll become what we pretend to be. We are shackled to our deception. Trapped in our lies. Afraid of what someone will think. Afraid to be abandoned and alone.

But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
-Casting Crowns-

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