Saturday, April 12, 2008

Choose Life

Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Every time I come across these verses in Deuteronomy I find myself wishing it was that easy for me and knowing that is should be. Today was the first time I've read it since becoming a dad and I was really bothered by it. When my inability to choose right affects me I can handle it. When through my actions I choose death and pain - when I don't obey - when I let go - I'm ok with living where that takes me. It seems fair that its often difficult for me to choose life because I don't deserve it anyway. My daughter does. She deserves life and she deserves to see her father choose it, for himself and for her. She should be able to see that her dad loves the Lord. It seems that I have no choice but to obey. I must hold on. The question is - and for me always has been- How? Its a question I need to have answered.

After reading Deuteronomy today I felt really defeated. I was reminded of what's at stake. I have to choose life, if not me, for Aliza. I knew I didn't know how. I became really frustrated. I didn't understand why God would give me such a beautiful daughter and not show me how to do right by her. As it often does confusion turned to frustration and frustration to anger. I was angry. I had taken the time out to be in the word and all I got was mad. About the time I got so angry I couldn't continue reading there was Acts 18:5. Paul was occupied with the word. Yea he was. That's it. Q: How do you choose life? A: Be occupied with the word.

What an amazing concept. I've had it backward for so long. I've been occupied by life trying to take time out for God. My occupation should be Christianity. Its my job to live well. My full time job. Its time I got to work.