Monday, August 22, 2011

Good to see you again

I decided back in January that I wasn't going to be writing on here anymore.  I was pretty sure I'd run out of things to say.  I was probably wrong about that.  The thing is, the story isn't over.  I believe the extreme and easiest to write about portion of this journey is over, I'm not angry all the time anymore.  There is no struggle to know who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing.  I believe I'm through that, I'll never be able to tell you how much I appreciate you being there through it with me.  I think the mistake I made was thinking the day to day doesn't matter.  I feel confident in the direction, but the execution is difficult and my patience is often small.  I think in a million different ways every day God is showing me who he is and who I am in him.  These little things probably warrant sharing from time to time.  Plus it looks like I'm going to have some time on my hands.  So, my plan is to revisit this site, even if its briefly, whenever I'm in an airport is some far away exotic location.  Today I'm in Atlanta.  

Since I last posted a lot has changed.  I'm not working at The Home Depot, probably a big reason why I'm not just mad all the time (I'm really thankful for that place, it was a bridge. Necessary).  I'm instructing and flying contract for a retirement planning company. I'm looking for and will eventually really need something different, but its a descent place to be now and I'm building flight time faster than I ever have.   Honestly, If we could pay our bills on this I wouldn't mind hanging out in this place a while.  I'm flying, and people are paying me to do it, that's really living the dream.  I need to be able to make a career out of it.  House, cars, kids going to college, retirement, these are things I need aviation to eventually provide.  Right now I'd settle for a dinner at Sullivan's.  Anyway, I love what I'm doing and I'm happier in it than I've ever  been.   

The sum up from the last several years of searching is this: God is good, difficult to understand and infuriating in his timing, but ultimately very good.  I exist for the singular purpose of saying that as often and as loudly as possible, and my vehicle to carry that message is more often than not going to be an airplane.  

I love to fly, and I'm good at it.  Those things are gifts.  Not everyone knows what it is they really want to do, I do.  It stared me in the face most of my life and I never saw it.  God gave it to me on his time. It turns out a lot of people think aviation is cool and I get a lot of really positive comments on what I do, I love the attention.  I wish I didn't, its one of the things I battle against.  The other thing I get is people telling me how proud they are what I've done.  I appreciate that to.  Aviation is a lot of work.  I've studied and worked harder at this than anything I've ever done.  I've taken chances and a lot of people have made sacrifices to make this possible.  I don't intend to downplay what has been accomplished, its difficult and the number of people capable of it is small.  Its taken years too get here and I'm years from making a career of it.  Its difficult.  I had no choice.  When your in the kind of dark place I was in and God shows you something, anything, you grab a hold of it with all you have.  Not much was clear, flying was.  I was going to fly no matter what it cost me, short of my family, and I was sure God wouldn't call me to something that would require that. 

I took the picture at the top there on a flight to Richmond, VA.  I'm surprised it came out so good, I was pretty emotional when I took it.  I realized the other day that my iPad can be plugged into the airplane radio and played through my headset.  I was listening to Nickel Creek's When You Come Back Down.  I'm a little sensitive to music.  God uses it to get at me pretty often.  I've had moments flying that were powerful affirmations of God's plan for me.  None as powerful as that one.  God is so good.  His plans are best.  He is faithful.  What he wants for you is better than what you want.  What God has for you is worth whatever it costs you and better on his timing.  That moment, for me, was the difference between believing that to be true and knowing that it is.  God is amazing.  Consider this a standing ovation.