It's been a frustrating several days for me. I haven't been able to fly but once in the last two weeks and it looks like it's going to be a least another several days before I can again. That tends to make me feel like I'm getting nowhere. We've had some things break around the house lately too, mower, dishwasher, leaky shower, things like that. I feel like I'm behind. Stuck a little.
I'm not supposed to be doing these things. I should be so much further by now. I feel like I'm going nowhere and doing nothing. I really feel like I have nothing to offer right now. I think that may be how I'm supposed to feel. I think God has been intentional about bringing me to this place. Over the last several months I've been ok missing the occasional quiet time, I think it's because I felt like I was getting stuff done. When I didn't make time for God I excused it by saying, "look at all I got done. You put me on this path and I'm making progress." I know better than to think accomplishment could ever replace relationship. Or I thought I did. I've found myself wanting more of God these last few days. I have nothing else to offer, so I plead the cross. I surrender to grace.
I heard The Gambler on the radio yesterday and the line, "I can see your out of aces". Seemed like it came straight from God. There is nothing for me to offer, I am holding nothing of value. I never have. In that moment I decided to lay down all I have and just plead the cross. I folded, and in doing so I went all in.