Sunday, May 24, 2009

What If

Ben Thomas: [From trailer] I did something really bad once and I'm never gonna be the same! 

Emily Posa: Do you wanna play a game? 
Ben Thomas: What game? 
Emily Posa: The "what if" game.
From the movie Seven Pounds
Kyla and I watched Seven Pounds tonight.  I thought it was just fair as the credits began to roll, but here I am several hours later sitting in a dark living room thinking about it.  It has caused me to ask myself a couple of questions.  Why do we have such a difficult time forgiving ourselves?  How far would we really go to make things right?  How far can we go?  Why do we let ourselves be controlled by guilt?  Why, when all other emotions fail, are we so often left with anger?  Why are we so willing to live a life defined by grief?  

Do you wanna play a game?  What if we understood and accepted who we are in Christ?  What if we really believed that we can do nothing and just had faith that it had already been taken care of for us?  What if we accepted the life given for us and everyday chose to live in the freedom it provided?  What if we felt less entitled and more generous and grateful?  What if we were controlled by praise and left with joy?  What if we were willing to give up ourselves and live in submission to love?  What if we were blind to guilt and shame and anger and chose instead to see provision and grace and mercy?


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Out Of Aces

It's been a frustrating several days for me.  I haven't been able to fly but once in the last two weeks and it looks like it's going to be a least another several days before I can again.  That tends to make me feel like I'm getting nowhere.  We've had some things break around the house lately too, mower, dishwasher, leaky shower, things like that.  I feel like I'm behind.  Stuck a little.

I'm not supposed to be doing these things.  I should be so much further by now.  I feel like I'm going nowhere and doing nothing.  I really feel like I have nothing to offer right now.  I think that may be how I'm supposed to feel.  I think God has been intentional about bringing me to this place. Over the last several months I've been ok missing the occasional quiet time, I think it's because I felt like I was getting stuff done.  When I didn't make time for God I excused it by saying, "look at all I got done.  You put me on this path and I'm making progress."  I know better than to think accomplishment could ever replace relationship.  Or I thought I did.  I've found myself wanting more of God these last few days.  I have nothing else to offer, so I plead the cross.  I surrender to grace.  

I heard The Gambler on the radio yesterday and the line, "I can see your out of aces".  Seemed like it came straight from God.  There is nothing for me to offer, I am holding nothing of value.  I never have.  In that moment I decided to lay down all I have and just plead the cross.  I folded, and in doing so I went all in.