I thought at first this was Satan coming after me, I'm not so sure now. The thing that terrifies me is that it may be God whose coming. I've finally taken the first step, I think that may have been what he was waiting for. He's been faithful before, but He's on the move now. It scares me because I spent years taking the easy way out. I hid, retreated, built walls. I finally found a place that was safe, calm. I had run far enough, I was hidden well enough. I could rest. I think I just jumped up and shouted, "Here I am. Come get me!"
God is bigger than I thought he was and he's coming fast. I'm no longer convinced this process is going to be pleasant. I find myself taking steps back. Hiding in trenches I vacated long ago - reinforcing walls - looking for a way out. What if He reaches me? What if He doesn't? I'm not brave enough to advance. I'm too tired to retreat.
When I sat down to do my quiet time tonight two songs kept running through my head. I was so moved by them that I actually had to stop and sing them (yes, I'm that guy). The first is Sanctuary:
Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.