I don't like reading the Bible. I know, it sounds terrible. It is terrible. I'm really worried about it. I've thought for the longest time that this was just some kind of weird holdover from darker spiritual days. I'm sure that it is, I spent years not reading the book, not caring what God had to say, and feeling like the more I learned about God the more uncomfortable I was with him.
I'm in a better place spiritually than I have been in a very long time and I feel like I'm continuing to improve. However, I'm constantly discovering ways in which my rebellion is still effecting me. I'm scarred. The healing process is not complete, my recovery is ongoing.
When it comes to the Bible it seems the scar tissue is thick. It restricts free movement and makes any stretch painful. I simply can't jog through the Bible with the same pace and enjoyment I can other books. It's time I see it for what it is - rehab. I want to do so much so quick, but it hurts enough to stop me before I really get started.
The past few months I've spent a good amount of time studying scripture. That kind of Bible reading I can do. If I pick a topic and read to understand that topic the pain is minimized. I look up what scripture deals with the issue I'm researching and read only that scripture and the text surrounding it. I've read an awful lot of Bible lately, but I've done it to nail down one issue at a time. I can't just open the Book and start reading. It's like someone sneaking up in the dark and ripping a bandage off when you're not expecting it. I know these muscles have to stretched to be strengthened, I think I was just expecting the process to be less painful. I've been surprised by the difficulty.
God has been as compassionate and kind and gentle as possible, some things are just going to hurt. I watched my wife take a splinter out of my daughters foot a while back. The wife was being kind and reassuring and gentle, the daughter was screaming like someone was trying to kill her. I'm sure that's how this is going to be for me. If, in the next few posts, it seems like I'm screaming you have one of two options: 1. Ignore it. It will all be over soon and it's ok it you want to look away. I'm afraid it might not be pretty. 2. Help hold me down.